i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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