Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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