Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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