We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You are a genius and a whore.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
