Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
