Will you blow on my dice?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
