i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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