btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
