Dude my mom stole all your condoms
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
