we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You took a bar mat shot.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
