My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
