He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
