Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
