So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
