I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
