i already hear my dad disowning me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
