it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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