no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
