so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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