apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she looked like the before picture.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
