note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
