my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
