we're blogging at a bar
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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