Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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