6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
