You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
