Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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