after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
