You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
