im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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