Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
