My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Panties = found
Randomize
