we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
