The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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