Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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