..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
