Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you had me at cake vodka
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
