You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
