I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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