Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
