Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
