i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
