He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
