her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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