Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
