wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
