Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
