You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
