I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
