Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
