I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
