i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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