its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
