Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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