the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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