I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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