how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
