I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
